Sexuality

Being lesbian or gay means that a person's primary romantic, emotional, physical and sexual attractions and connections are with someone of the same sex. Bisexual people recognize that they have attractions to both sexes.

Many young people question - or know - their sexual identity before they have any sexual experiences at all. Others may have had sexual experiences with the opposite sex but still feel that they are not heterosexual. Or they may have had sexual experiences with the same sex but still feel they are heterosexual.

There is an important difference between attraction and experience. You may have same-sex experiences for any number of reasons besides a genuine attraction - because you are curious, because it's convenient, or because you feel pressured. On the other hand, you might have sexual encounters with someone of the opposite sex for reasons other than your own desire - because you are trying to fit in with society's expectations, because you are lonely, because you don't know how to say no, or because your "no" isn't heeded. Your sexual orientation is more about who you truly are drawn to than about what your experience has been.

If you are a young person questioning your sexual orientation, you may find it useful to ask yourself who your mostly deeply felt attractions are for. Who do get crushes on most often? Who do you usually have romantic fantasies about? Who do you really wish you could spend the rest of your life - or just next weekend - with? The answers to these questions are often helpful in the beginning to sort out your feelings.

Many youth find it helpful to talk this out with someone. It can be hard to make decisions about "coming out" (telling people your sexual orientation) and many youth experience social stigma about their sexual identity. Here are a few things that might help with this process:

• For some web resources and information, go to Youthline, Youth Resource, and Gay Canada.
  
  
• You can bring up these issues with a counsellor at a youth agency.
  
  
• There are often services/agencies specifically for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and transsexual persons in many cities. You can ask about these services at other youth agencies, look them up online, look them up in your local phone book, or search here: Gay Canada.
  
  
• Phone lines that you could call include the Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youthline at 1-800-268-YOUTH (9688) in Ontario, Kid's Help Phone in Canada 1-800-668-6868, The Gay & Lesbian National Hotline in the U.S. 1-888-843-4564, or, for youth in the U.S. who are thinking about suicide you can call the Trevor Helpline at 1-800-850-8078.
  
  
• Lastly, you should be aware that in many settings (e.g., public services such as hospitals; job settings) and countries discrimination on the basis of sexual identity is illegal. If you are experiencing this, you may wish to ask at a youth agency about legal consultation. There are often free legal clinics in many cities.

Gender refers to an individual's self-identified sense of being male or female. Sex, refers to your biological status as male or female. Some have made the distinction as "gender is between your ears, sex is between your legs". Not everyone's gender and sex line up together. For some people, their gender is different than their sex. Terms used by these individuals to refer to themselves include transgendered and transsexual. While experiencing some of the same issues as gay, lesbian and bisexual individuals, trans persons experience many unique challenges. For more information, see the resources provided in the section on gay, lesbian and bisexual identity.

It is important to pay attention to ages of consent. In Canada, the age of consent for sex is 14 and older (for more detail see Young People and Sex). In the United States, age of consent depends on the State. See Cool Nurse for a list of consent ages by State. Not abiding by these laws can lead to criminal charges and jail terms for offenders.

No matter what, practice safer sex: Smarter Sex